10 things I should have known before wanting a broken foot.

1. You can’t make a mug of coffee in the kitchen and hop back to the living room with it in your hand.
2. Your leg will cramp in the middle of the night causing you to wake up and think you’ve broken it even more.
3. You can’t go grocery shopping carrying a basket while using crutches, so you kind of have to “make-do” with whatever food is in your house: ramen noodles, peanut butter, crackers, coffee, nuts, water, sweetened condensed milk, and four boxes of Fruit by the Foot, courtesy of your boyfriend who is currently hiking, rock climbling, and having a generally physically adventurous time in New Zealand.
4. If you happen to return movies to the store but FORGET to put one of the DVDs into the box, you’re kind of screwed because then you have to call them and tell them, and you’ll probably get charged for the cost of the movie, and you can’t run up immediately and give it back to them.
5. It will always feel like your foot is about to fall out of its cast, which makes you nervous that the doctor did it wrong and that you’ll have to wear a cast for the next three months to make up for the fact that the bone didn’t set correctly.
6. On beautiful days like today you will feel the desire to sit outside in the sun and get a tan but won’t because you’re afraid of the ridiculous tan line you’ll have when the cast comes off in a month and you’ll wonder if you can pay for a spray-on tan for just one calf and foot.
7. You will be afraid of ants crawling into your cast and setting up shop.
8. No matter how hard you try, you cannot shave under your cast.
9. Walking up steep ramps with crutches for extended periods of time, such as at your place of employment that happens to be situated on a HILL, may in fact be just as painful as giving rapid-fire birth to sixteen babies without the use of an epidural.
10. Even though you say you will use this time to do a lot of work and get stuff done, you will in fact, sit on your ass and sleep all day or check your e-mail a mind-blowing forty three times an hour hoping someone in the world knows you have nothing to do but sleep and check e-mail and has bothered to write you something to keep your mind occupied. You will, in fact, poke your eyes and bite your tongue to keep conscious. You may even talk to yourself without caring if anyone in your building can hear you.