F.Y.I: Drink water to avoid fat feet.

Besides learning about Dante Aligheiri in preparation for teaching my students, one other very important thing I learned was that I have fat feet. The woman doing my pedicure said it just like that: “You have fat feet.”

I think my feet are rather cute, actually, feeling a special pride for the size of my toes, how they decrease in size from my big toe, without one freakishly long toe that sticks out from all the rest.

“You have fat feet,” she said, leaving me to sit and wonder where the hell she was going with that kind of statement. Turns out she was concerned about my water intake, or more accurately, my lack of water intake. Did you know you can get fat feet by not drinking enough water? I tried to come up with some kind of explanation: “I’m on my feet all day,” or “It’s the humidity,” or “I’m ovulating.” All lies anyway, but nevertheless, I tried my best to give reason for my fat feet (which I didn’t think were fat to begin with.) “You’re eating salty foods,” she told me, looking at the the top of my foot as if she were reading Tarot cards. I suddenly felt invaded; Who was she to tell me what I’m eating? Who was she to be critical of my feet and my diet about both of which she knew nothing! I thought of my lunch today: rice and beans, beets, a cup of lime mousse, and water. Where was the crazy salt that was making my feet fat? It was just about the plainest meal I could have eaten today. And then it hit me: lay off the salted popcorn.  That’s the only place I ever have salt in my food, but God knows I eat a whole lotta popcorn.

I was going to include a picture here of my fat feet, but when I took the pictures I didn’t think my feet looked fat enough. To me they were just really cute. I guess I have really high foot-esteem. And no one, not popcorn–not even–a pedicurist, can take that away from me.