Shall we do a re-cap of the top five embarrassing moments here in Brazil?
5) Calling my head a horse.
4) Telling someone he had a lot of [insert male anatomy here, and pluralize it] on his arms.
3) Tripping and falling into the bus as it was moving.
2) Falling down in the middle of a busy street and breaking my foot.
1) Sitting at my desk, reading Edgar Allen Poe facing thirteen 7th grade students, and feeling, suddenly, the top two buttons of my dress pop open.
Maybe I could have handled it better, tried to not call attention to myself. But, this woman, when she gets embarrassed, can do nothing but talk. And so I talked my way out of it. It went like this:
Me: “blah, blah, blah, Poe, big word, big word, middle of a sentence…”
Buttons: [Pop! Pop!]
Me: [looking down into my now visible cleavage, if you can even call it that, and saying more to myself than to anyone else:] “…oh. As if this isn’t the most embarrassing thing ever.” [covering my open dress with my sweater.]
Me: [looking up and seeing their BRIGHT.RED.FACES.] [laughing more.]
Together: [laughing, all of our faces are in our hands]
Me: [trying to find a paperclip to keep my dress together, I look up to see that every single one of my students has turned around to face the back of the room to give me privacy so that I could pull myself together. When I see this, I burst out laughing even more, louder. Some kids turn around to see what I’m laughing at, but then they remember why they were looking away in the first place, so they jerk their heads back around again. Then we enter a period of about a minute where random kids are turning their heads back and forth around to see what I’m laughing at and meanwhile I am clutching my dress together and laughing.]
In the end, I held my sweater over my dress for the remainder of the period and watched the scarlet slowly drain from my students’ tiny faces.