The gut proves itself right again.

2 04 2007

Yeah, so remember that time that I wrote about maybe going to São Paulo and maybe going to the Hippie Fair and maybe doing a bunch of other things this weekend? Yeah. And also, remember how what I was really looking forward to was either sleeping or just being with Dennis here in Campinas, relaxing and getting used to spending time with him again? Yeah also. Well I really should have done the thing where you listen to what you really want to do because if you don’t you’re going to be cranky and angry at the world. Especially since, once you’re sitting in São Paulo traffic for three and a half hours on your way to get Starbucks in a gigantic mall, and you realize that you don’t want to be there (São Paulo, in a car with five other people, stuck in traffic) in the first place, and realizing there is absolutely nothing you can do that makes everything worse.

And by “everything,” I mean, really, everything. With Dennis in the front seat, I was crammed into the back with three others, somehow managed to funnel all negative thoughts in the universe to rest upon my shoulders. But it’s my fault completely, so I point the finger only at myself and my proclivity for sinking deep into my dark places when things go horribly wrong. Not that they were going wrong to begin with, per se. What they were going was, actually, farther and farther from Campinas towards which, as we went farther and farther, I realized I wanted to be closer and closer.

So what did Saturday look like? It looked like hours of traffic due to a gigantic storm that knocked down trees everywhere in São Paulo, and it looked like arriving at a mall (Morumbi), fighting our way through the crowds to get to Starbucks, and then exhaling largely and completely upon taking our first sips of this delicacy that exists in Brazil only in this mall in São Paulo. And then it looked like walking down toward the food court to eat Chinese food, and then it looked like–somewhere around midnight–leaving the mall and going to a hotel where there were sure to be rooms available and finding out that there were none.

Which only made matters worse. For me. Everyone else seemed to be just fine. Which, again, only made matters worse. For me. And then, lo and behold, a lovely Dutch hotel chain called Tulip Inn had one room available and I didn’t care at all how much it cost. It was a matter of being in a place alone with Dennis and I needed out. I fell asleep immediately and woke up the next morning thankful that Brazilians know how to do a good breakfast. And then fell back asleep and we took our time meeting up with my friends. (Oh, yes. Did I mention I was with my friends? I think that term, “friends,” is one they’ll use lightly from now on.) Dennis and I took a bus home on Sunday around three because I needed to get back home–to do work, to relax, to try to do even a little bit of what I realized I’d needed all along, which was to stay home.

But the big lesson is this: I just need to go ahead and listen to my gut about what to do. To try to make decisions based on other people when I haven’t yet taken care of my own personal needs is a recipe for disaster in the Gina Coggio Book of How To Screw Up Potentially Wonderful Situations. So. At the end of this week, we are going traveling to Paraty, Trindade, and maybe Rio. While we have been invited to go with friends, I told Dennis today that what I need is for us to travel together. No group trips. My gut is practically punching me in the face with this message and so, this time, I think I will take heed.

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