Ah, Monday. The day every working person dreads, unless he or she happens to work at a restaurant that is closed on Mondays. You all in the United States, of course, did not dread this particular Monday because of Labor Day, but today was no different from any other Monday in Brazil. Let me recount the day for your listening eyes.
6:22–Determined to start the day off ten minutes earlier than I normally do, I glare at my clock, sit up, and say “shit.” Nothing like Wheaties and a good swear in the morning.
7:30–Out the door. Accosted somewhat sleepily by a skinny woman in pink. She asks for money, and I tell her “sorry,” as my ride drives up at that exact second.
8:05–I lock my classroom door to prevent students from entering.
8:13–I let them in so I can do something I like to call “teaching,” but really amounts to nothing more than standing at the front of the room and telling stories, while occasionally opening a grammar book. I probably shouldn’t say that.
8:35–Almost tell a student he should “get his shit together.” (Switch it to “get your stuff together” at the last second. Breathe sigh of relief.) Figure I should probably stop swearing in my spare time so it won’t affect my teaching time. Understand there’s a lot of things I probably shouldn’t do.
9:35–Realize last.fm website has been blocked by the school. Think evil thoughts and consider writing a strongly worded letter about how often I utilize music in the classroom and thus why I need constant access to last.fm, and then realize I’ve brought my iPod with me. Am kept happily distracted from work while listening to said iPod and reading the New York Times.
10:55–Realize wordpress has been blocked by the school. Write the strongly worded letter anyway and throw in a reference to unblocking last.fm for good measure.
11:15-11:40–Revel in cantina food. Eat beets and carrots. Did not realize it was alright to serve Jello that had not fully Jello-ized. Eat it anyway. Enjoy the sugar.
12:03-12:48–Give a stunning lecture about the Byzantine Empire utilizing PowerPoint intended to present information as well as to refine students’ note-taking and listening skills. Students are so moved and appreciative they yawn and put their heads down. I am quite sure, as my back is turned to erase the board, I have received a standing ovation, though when I turn around, the students are almost dead.
12:49–Consider marrying PowerPoint, or at least thanking it for its sedative affect on 7th graders.
3:15–Am serenaded by 3rd grader for almost a half hour, whose favorite songs include lyrics like “I want to hold you,” and “Yeah, baby.”
4:10–3rd grader tells me that the boys in her class think I’m beautiful and that the girls in her class think Dennis is beautiful.
4:40–Step on the treadmill intending to run really fast. Nearly fall off treadmill because I’ve set the speed too high. Need to grab onto handles with left hand as right hand feverishly pushes the “down” button. Happily decide I don’t have to run really fast.
6:00–Walk home in gym tights and t-shirt. Hear, “Hey, Ms. C!” from a car nearby. See one of my students waving in the car with her family. Realize I look tired and gross and, actually, don’t see how I am now on the street is any different from how I am at school. Wave back.
6:25–Eat a yogurt that I think is honey flavored, but on closer inspection after taking the first bite, see that it is in fact Orange, Honey, and Carrot flavored. It tastes almost exactly how I had always hoped the St.Ives Apricot Scrub might taste, minus the “natural exfoliants.” Enjoy it immensely.
6:46–Smelly, tired, and ready for soup. Am also ready for a phone call from Dennis, but he is somewhere on the planet and I have no idea how to reach him. So I will, instead, go take a shower and spend the rest of the night loving the fact that I finally live by myself because it’s official: there are no more ants in my apartment. I do not, and will not, miss those little assholes.
6:46–Love calling things “assholes.”