The Buddha and The Bean.

5 10 2007

My boyfriend, who will henceforth be known as The Buddha for reasons you are about to see, called me last night. His parents just returned yesterday from a ten-day trip to Italy. They do this every year and that country is, by far, their favorite place on the planet. The Buddha, a.k.a Dennis, lent his beautiful digital camera and three beautiful lenses to his parents so they could take beautiful photos of their favorite place on the planet. He packed it all up nicely in his brand new camera backpack and sent them on their way to pasta paradise.

On arrival, someone stole the backpack. Gone forever is Dennis’ camera, the three lenses, and the backpack. It left his parents crushed and empty-handed, unable to take photos during their vacation, and required them to purchase a brand new camera in Italy to add unnecessarily to their collection of cameras at home in Connecticut. Yesterday, when Dennis came home from work, they told him the news. And when he shared the news with me, our conversation went like this:

(For the record, my nickname from him and everyone else is “Bean” because it’s been that way since I was born and there’s no escaping nicknames.)

Bean: blah, blah, blah, blah, something about food, blah, I’m tired, blah, blah, guess what I read today, blah, blah, music, something about work, blah.

Dennis: Oh, yeah, I forgot to tell you.

Bean: What?

Dennis: I lent my camera to my parents and it got stolen.

Bean: WHAT? OH NO! TELL ME ALL THE DETAILS! OH DENNIS THAT’S SO SAD!

Dennis: Yeah, that sucks.

Bean: BUT WHAT ABOUT YOUR LENSES?

Dennis: Yeah, those too.

Bean: BUT EVEN THE WIDE ANGLE LENS? EVEN THE OTHERS THAT YOU SPENT SO MUCH MONEY ON?

Dennis: Yep.

Bean: DID YOU HAVE THEM INSURED? [aside] Like I told you to do months ago?

Dennis: Nope.

Bean: NO!! OH MY GOD HOW TERRIBLE! HOW SAD! OH THAT’S THE MOST AWFUL NEWS I’VE HEARD IN FOREVER! IT’S YOUR CAMERA! OH, WOE IS ME AND WOE IS THE WORLD FULL OF TERRIBLE, EVIL ASSHOLES WHO DO SELFISH, AWFUL, TERRIBLE, MEAN THINGS TO PEOPLE! MAY THEY ROAST IN HELL AND MAY THE FLESH BE BURNED TO A CRISP AND OFFERED UP ON PLATES TO THEIR OWN CHILDREN! DAMN THEM! DAMN THEM!

Dennis: Eh, whatever. It was just stuff.

[silence.]

Dennis: Bean? Are you there?

Bean: UH, YOUR SHIT JUST GOT STOLEN IN ANOTHER COUNTRY, DENNIS. YOU ARE NEVER GETTING IT BACK EVER AGAIN.

Dennis: Yeah? So what?

Bean: [panic beginning to leave voice] AND ALL THAT MONEY YOU SPENT!…..GONE!

Dennis: It’s just stuff, Bean.

Bean: [drained now of frustration] I know but–

Dennis: Listen. I lost a camera, not a Bean. That would be waaaay worse.

And that is the story of why my boyfriend is The Buddha and why we (as in “I”) love him. We are, as you can clearly see, almost complete opposites–the yin and the yang, the Taurus and the Aquarius. The opposing natural elements. The Buddha is the air, and I am the rock. The Buddha is the water and I am the hyperventilating ball of fire and fury that the water is able to shut up with just a few words. The Buddha has no care for earthly possessions (even though he has a whole lot of them) and I am dreaming of when I can have enough money to fill my closet with things like this, this, and this. And this. And basically all of these.

So what’s the lesson in all of this? Essentially, it’s this: I have the best boyfriend on the whole planet and if anyone doubts that, I’ll fight you. Because even though The Buddha is a non-violent higher being, the earthly Bean has got a mean right hook. And you do not want to get on her bad side.


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13 responses

5 10 2007
Tina (aka Mom)

And I can attest to that…. btw, The Buddha is totally THE BEST !!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

5 10 2007
Nilsa S.

I had a roommate like The Buddha once. His goal in life was to be able to pack all his earthly possessions in his car. So he could leave. Whenever he wants. He had no desire to own anything more than that. Like you, it was so very hard to understand. Didn’t he want to own a house one day? Full of stuff he worked so hard to earn the money to buy? Didn’t he want a bigger car? With more options? And an easier ride? No. To all those questions. He wanted the flexibility and ability to disappear whenever he wanted. Though I’m sure your Buddha and my Ex-Roommate are very different people, the message is quite clear. People and experiences make the world go round, not stuff.

5 10 2007
catch

it is funny how that works….

when it is MY stuff, I am like “whatever”, when it is Jennie’s stuff (or anyone elses’), I go the total opposite direction and become McGruff the Crime Dog…

5 10 2007
ginacoggio

Ha! I guess maybe I’d do the same thing if I were Dennis, but there would definitely be whining and crying involved, with some pouting on the side, and a “OHMYGOD WHY ME?” thrown in for good measure. But I’m sure I’d get over it.

5 10 2007
Susan

Sweet post.
I am such the bean compared to the Buddha I married. I hyperventilate all the time over that type stuff and to him its “stuff”…that’s all…just stuff for other people to feel they can take. Funny how great couples always compliment each other.

5 10 2007
sangroncito

Wonderful post.
I live in terror of having my digital camera stolen. Take anything else–the ipod, the expensive sunglasses, anything but the camera! It’s the window through which my friends and family back home see my world here in Brazil (through Flickr).
Lovely boyfriend you have there. People over things wins everytime.

5 10 2007
ginacoggio

Thanks to all!

Hey Sangroncito, fellow expat in Brazil: did you know there’s a Flickr party in Sao Paulo next week? It’s to launch or get more people to join Flickr and there’s a group on the website to upload photos to, and then they’re going to create a book of the photos people have taken in Brazil and posted onto the group’s page and show it off at the party! I know you’re far, far away, but it would be so fabulous to meet you! (At least join the group and put up some of those pictures you’ve taken!)
(Thank you, Nilsa, of the SoMi blog!)

5 10 2007
Catherine

That’s awesome. Buddha, you are so cool.

5 10 2007
luanaspider

Dear Ms. C

Your boyfriend is really nice.another thing that has nothing to do with that is that because of you I created a blog.http://luanaspider.wordpress.com/ I had been inspired by you. Your blog is really amazing. I love it!!Good Job!!!

5 10 2007
Sofy

“I lost a camera, not a Bean.”
That’s adorable. The Buddha rocks.

-Sofy

6 10 2007
Erin

That is adorable! I would never challenge you thinking you have the best boyfriend on the planet, but if you’d like to hear a story about the second best man in the world, send me an email so I can share a love story!

6 10 2007
Jake

Always knew you’d end up with a great guy. Dennis might act/think like Budha, but he looks like Jesus. Think that is a good combination. =)

6 10 2007
Catherine

Ha! Jake (whoever you are:)), I will second that one!

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