Last-hour preparations are underway. My flight is at 8:25 tonight from JFK and by this time tomorrow, I’ll be back in the comfort of my apartment in Campinas. My health is improving and I think I’ll be in good shape for sleeping on the plane. Of course, as always, I’m suffering from pre-flight jitters, fear of relinquishing control during the 10 hours in the air, and really looking forward to French kissing my Tylenol PM quick-release pills right after dinner service. Last time I surprised myself by sleeping so soundly for so long seriously almost the entire flight, so I’m hoping to get lucky again tonight.
Last night I had a little break-down, as I imagined I would. Dennis and I were joking about something stupid and before I knew it, I’d crumpled myself into a ball of tears mumbling about not wanting to go and not wanting to be away from him. He couldn’t tell if I was still laughing about the stupid joke until he saw the drool coming from the corner of my mouth and spilling onto his shoulder. I don’t typically drool when I laugh so he knew then to stop chuckling and start calming me down.
I know practice makes perfect. That’s what I’ve heard anyway. And to some extent it’s true with respect to saying goodbye. The first time I left, we both cried out eyes dry. The second time I left, I wept. The third time I left, the corners of my eyes were damp. The fourth time I left, we smiled to each other and waved when I stood in line to go through security. And now we come upon the fifth. Who knows how I’ll be when I get to the gate today? It’s been easier over time, so I imagine today might be a breeze. But whatever the case, I know I’m not thrilled about perfecting the art of the Goodbye with Dennis.