10 02 2008

Do you know I’ll be back in the States next week? I leave this Friday and will stay until the 23rd. I have a big meeting, one that will decide the next (at least) two years of my life. I might as well just lay it all out on the table for you.

So my contract here in Brazil comes to an end in June. I did have the option to renew, but I wanted to keep moving. So when June rolls around, I’ll be rolling away. And herein lies the difficulty because I’m not sure where I’ll be rolling away to. I have options, many of them, and here they are:

  • I can teach in another country.
  • I can go home to New Haven and teach.
  • I can go to grad school.

These aren’t just thoughts I’m mulling. I’ve taken serious action in all three directions. I’ve submitted an application to grad school in NYC. I’ve spoken with a school in New Haven and as of this moment there is an opening and an offer for me. And finally, I’ve re-established my file with ISS and have contacted and been contacted by international schools. On Friday, I had a phone interview with a school in Europe. (Clearly I don’t want to be too specific for fear of jinxing myself or exposing people/institutions who don’t want to be exposed.)

This is why I’m going back to the States on Friday, to attend a job fair for overseas schools. This means, that on Monday and Tuesday, February 18th and 19th, I will be taking very purposeful steps toward procuring a job in another country. By Wednesday, February 20th, I should know something, either way, about what I’ll be doing come August.

My choices are on a timeline and I want to be sure I am exploring as many options as possible before making a decision. Since the job fair is the first to happen, by Wednesday if I haven’t been offered a job or if I’ve been offered one but decline, it means I’m coming back to New Haven. And if that’s the case, then on Thursday, February 21st, I will start making preparations to do just that by meeting with the school who has offered me the position.

To say that I am feeling “conflicted” is to say that the bitter, biting cold of a Boston mid-winter wind is “a cool breeze.” I am heaps and mountains of confusion, coupled with the excitement and curiosity of living elsewhere, and haunted by a heavy guilt that rests on the back of my neck about not coming back home. For months–since October, actually, a good quarter of a year–I’ve been rolling these thoughts over and over, spinning them around to examine from all angles, allowing others to hold them and see for themselves and then to offer in return some wisdom.

On the one hand, I’m not excited about making the decision because then it means that, well, I’ve made the decision. Part of me wants a business-suited fairy god-Administrator to come down with a pointer and a brief case and say, “Poof! You’re going here!” just so I can give the responsibility and all the consequences of making this decision to someone else.

But on the other hand, come next week, it’ll be over. I’ll know something. And knowing something definite is way better than what I’ve got going on. I am drowning in possibilities.




11 responses

10 02 2008

you set me up for this quote bucko! But in reality, trust yourself and you will find the right path. But Sarah (my daugher) would indicate that you should paste this quote now.

Moments In the Woods
Wife: What was that?
Was that me? Was that him?
Did a prince really kiss me,
And kiss me.. and kiss me..
And did I kiss him back?
Was it wrong? Am I mad?
Was that all? Does he miss me?
Was he suddenly getting bored with me?
Wake up! Stop dreaming,
Stop prancing about the woods.
It’s not beseeming.
What is it about the woods?
Back to life, back to sense, back to child, back to husband.
No one lives in the woods!
There are vows, there are ties,
There are needs, there are standards,
There are shouldn’t and shoulds.
Why not both instead?
There’s the answer, if you’re clever.
Have a child for warmth, and a baker for bread,
And a prince, for.. whatever..
Never! It’s these woods!
Face the facts, find the boy, join the group, stop the giant–
Just get out of these woods.
Was that me? Yes it was. Was that him? No it wasn’t..
Just a trick of the woods!
Just a moment,
One peculiar passing moment.
Must it all be either less or more,
Either plain or grand?
Is it always ‘or’?
Is it never ‘and’?
That’s what woods are for:
For those moments in the woods…
Oh, if life were made of moments,
Even now and then a bad one–!
But if life were only moments,
Then you’d never know you had one.
First a witch, then a child, then a Prince, then a moment–
Who can live in the woods?
And to get what you wish, only just for a moment–
These are dangerous woods..
Let the moment go
Don’t forget it for a moment, though.
Just remembering you had an ‘and,’ when you’re back to ‘or,’
Makes the ‘or’ mean more than is did before.
Now I understand–
And it’s time to leave the woods.
– sung once by the owner of the blog back in her theatrical days.

10 02 2008
Tina (aka Mom)

Sarah is smart – how appropriate! And what great memories that brought back…

10 02 2008

Ah, Baker….I had completely forgotten that song. For the rest of you reading that, I once played “The Baker’s Wife” in our high school performance of “Into the Woods.” This song is about the moment when the wife is in the woods, having left her husband, and ends up getting kissed by a prince. Baker (the guy who left that quote) was the character “The Baker,” as in the husband of “The Baker’s Wife.” His real name isn’t Baker, of course, but he is a dear friend. And it’s good to have dear friends around when it’s decision-making time between “or’s” and “and’s.”
Thanks, Baker. (“I wish…!”)

10 02 2008

No problem. Your missing a wonderfully blustery snowy Vermont Sunday afternoon. Good luck with your decision. Hopefully, the song made you chuckle!

11 02 2008

I think situations like this one is about like love, wedding dresses, shoes, and cars. You will know immediately if its the right thing or not. We will definitely have you close to our thoughts! =)

11 02 2008

Thank you! That’s funny about the shoes thing, and I never thought of it that way. When you gotta have it, you gotta have it. And also, I just read an article that was published in “The Best Non-Required Reading of 2004” about happiness and about decisions that we think will make us really happy for a long time. The point of it was basically this: Yeah, you might be happy, but it’ll wear off and eventually you’ll just be you, in the same place you were before. Likewise, you can be sad, but that’ll wear off and eventually you’ll just be you.
So that made me feel better. It’s all about acclimating to a new situation and doing it well so that I keep my values and my priorities straight.

11 02 2008

Exactly..I love that outlook.

11 02 2008

Hey Ms.C, the thought of you leaving still hasnt fixed it self in my brain, im soooooooo( forever) gonna miss you, but no, you want to “move on”, fine. Its your choose but your gonna be the one losing. Haha!

11 02 2008
Rachel L

The good news is, you are so fortunate to have all these options!! The decision will be hard, but wherever it takes you, it WILL be the right one. How can you go wrong in any of those situations? All of them offer exciting possibilities, new people and endless opportunities for learning! I’m so excited for you!

11 02 2008

Ms.C dont go we really like you. I still cant beleave you are going away i love your classes and i think its the best english/history/geography classes i ever had i understand the subjects am going to miss you alot.

12 02 2008
Nilsa S.

Awww, Gina. Tough choices! Part of me wants to tell you to follow your heart. Knowing how sad you’ve been to be away from Dennis all this time. But, another part of me wants you to be overseas again. Because should you choose to get married and have children one day, this will be the easiest time in your life to pursue these dreams. And you really take in the culture of the world around you. And you take advantage of all there is to do. And, well, Dennis knows this about you and supports you and loves you. So, follow your heart and your brain and your thumb. And promise us one thing – no matter where you land, you’ll take us along with you.

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