Rants for a Tuesday evening.

25 03 2008

Topics for tonight’s blogversation:

1) Plastic-wrapped postcards: completely stupid, yes?
2) Yoga moves that get the intestines moving: boy, do they.
3) Chocolate Easter eggs: They’re back, and not on sale.
4) Hot water in the morning: who needs it?

Item #1: Plastic-wrapped postcards: completely stupid, yes?
Today I received in the mail a postcard from a store that is a football field’s length away from my house. It is not the first I have received from this store, called Wish, since I shopped there one time in this month of last year. This postcard, imprinted with exactly 29 words on it (including the ones on the front, the back, all the numbers, and the store’s website) arrived in a thin plastic sleeve. Every single mailing I have ever received from this store has arrived in a thin plastic sleeve and every single mailing has never once contained more words than this one. I cannot think of a more wasteful kind of mailing than this unless, of course, it came in a lead-injected cardboard box with styrofoam packing materials and printed with ink made from the blood of baby seals. It’s a shame, really, how much effort stores put into their mailings that will just end up in the trash, never to be recycled, never to be glanced at again; just another piece of trash that’s contributing to global warming.

Item #2: Yoga moves that get the intestines moving: boy, do they.
…actually, that’s pretty self-explanatory. I’ll leave it at that.

Item #3: Chocolate Easter eggs: They’re back and not on sale.
It’s true. I thought, you know, since Easter is over, maybe the dregs of the Easter eggs might be on sale. So passing by the Blockbuster/Lojas Americanas this afternoon and glancing in, I saw an entirely new display of Barbie Chocolate Easter Eggs, Hopi Hari Chocolate Easter Eggs, Transformers Chocolate Easter Eggs, Ferrero Rocher Chocolate Easter Eggs. Entirely new. Clearly they are for Easter because I don’t know a single other holiday that’s celebrated with eggs like Easter is, unless there is by some chance a holiday I don’t know about specifically dedicated to eggs and their production (which wouldn’t surprise me here in Brazil considering they celebrate everything all the time. Even bald people). Upon closer inspection I took a look at the prices for said eggs: not on sale. No sale prices for chocolate eggs for Easter? Americans would go crazy if that ever happened at home. There would be boycotting and riots and television coverage in the aisles of Stop & Shop, can’t you picture it? The day after Easter, huddled over bins of full-priced Peeps and Cadbury Eggs and Pink, Green, and Silver wrapped Hershey Kisses, American mothers and children would go apeshit, all while apathetic employees are setting up displays and stocking shelves for 4th of July. I guess at least here they let the holiday spirit exist for a while, even if they’re still charging full price.

Item #4: Hot water in the morning: who needs it?
This morning was the second time in two weeks (average: once per week) that I have woken up and my building has not had hot water. We already know how I feel about waking up and looking the way I do, which is generally twenty-five years older than I am, so you can imagine how much longer it takes for my 53-year old face to unpuff itself back down to my own age without the aid of a morning shower. Not to mention the beautiful—-and, might I add, radiant—-sheen of night oil that the pores on my face produce and lay on thick while I lay sleeping, blissfully unaware that if I ever get stuck in my sheets, all I need to do is rub my face in them to unstick myself, kind of like rubbing soap on a sticky door jamb. (Did you not do that? I distinctly remember my mother rubbing soap on a door jamb to make it not stick, but that may be a Vermont thing, or a My Mother thing.)

And in keeping with the rantiness of this rantful post, there is actually a protest that’s happening outside of my own window. This is just part of the soundtrack of the days here, so it’s not surprising that this is going on. I don’t know what they’re talking about, probably the buses again, but for all I know maybe it really is the Easter Egg thing. Looks like they’ve been out there in front of the prefeitura (city hall) for a while, with no sign of getting tired. One quick way to get them to disperse: just show ’em a couple of those intestinal yoga moves, and they’ll be running home lickety-split.


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